Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
