I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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