I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
