I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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