p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
