I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
