So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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