if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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