I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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