I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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