i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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