youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
