***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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