First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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