it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
