I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
