the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
