dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
