Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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