Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
