I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
