so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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