Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
