I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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