just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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