Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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