it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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