He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
