I wish I could teleport
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
