My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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