i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
