Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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