We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
