giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
