I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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