Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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