Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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