It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
