Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
