I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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