Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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