4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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