brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
