There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
