I just threw up on my dentist
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
