The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
