i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
