bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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