If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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