wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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