it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
