apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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